i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
