Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
