He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
