He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
im holly from the hills drunk
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
