Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
