About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
