I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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