you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
