I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
