I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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