forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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