Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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