I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
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A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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