i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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