I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
