hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
