if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
