She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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