K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
