Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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