So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
