I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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