Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
