You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
