if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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