I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
