On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
