I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
