We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
