I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
