dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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