I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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