I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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