i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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