Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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