apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
