Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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