as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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