3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
