Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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