someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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