Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
