yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
time to smoke my breakfast
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
