Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
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Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
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That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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