he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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