he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
