I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
