Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Blood and glitter go together right?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
