Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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