I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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