somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
PANTIES FOUND
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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