____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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