The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
