Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
