After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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