just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
