$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Farmville is her only friend.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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