Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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