I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
