yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
